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In 2016, I wrote "In the Middle of a Burnout." Being vulnerable to our followers helped me extinguish at least one end of the candle. Unfortunately, the other end of the candle kept burning. I fell back into familiar self-defeating habits and sticky situations. Luckily, the skills and support systems I had learned helped me identify these behaviors and finally admit something had to change for good. So, in the fall of 2019, this people please—there I said it—made the hard decision to remove myself from the people and give up my leadership position with a non-profit.
The journey hasn't been easy and slipups occur, but just the acknowledgement that I had a issue and wanted to put myself first has been a life changer.
Here are a few tips I have been helpful on my journey as a recovering people pleaser:
- Prioritize your mental well-being.
- Be honest with yourself!
- Acknowledge your weaknesses.
- Do not say "yes" when you really mean "no."
- Ask for help.
- Step away from the things that steal your joy.
- Limit the fork and exercise more.
- Give yourself grace.
- Recognize and respect similar behaviors in others.
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a "Yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble. - Mahatma Ghandi
- The Power of a Positive No - How to Say No and Still Get to Yes by William Ury
- "Four Reasons Your Calendar is Out of Control" by the Leadership Freak
- "How Does People Pleasing Negatively Affect Your Mental Health?" by Talk Space
- "Beware: People-Pleasing Behaviors Can Backfire - Learn to say no and put yourself first." by Jennifer Guttman, PsychologyToday.com
Pam McDonald is a writer/editor for BLM Wildland Fire Training and Workforce Development and member of the NWCG Leadership Committee. The expressions are those of the author.
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