Confessions of a Poor Communicator

(Photo: Kari Greer)

I have a couple confessions to make. First, I am not the world's greatest communicator. I talk in riddles. I use pronouns too much which confuses the heck out of people. My mind has wandered, and I've interrupted people more times than I care to admit. There are times I am so distracted by my electronic devices or whatever has my attention that I am not fully present when others are talking to me. There are times (I am embarrassed to admit it) but I just don't care enough about the person to engage. I have been a horrible communicator.

The good news is my second confession—I am working on being an empathic communicator. One of the first steps to change is to admit something is wrong and be willing to address the issue. 

Communication is critical to every relationship. Therefore, we all need to be willing to continually hone our communication skills. As we continue our journey into servant leadership, we will take a few months to delve into being an empathic communicator. February deals with listening. This blog will focus on the last part of my first confession—not caring enough about the person to listen—and is inspired by Bento Leal's book  4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication – In Love, Life, Work—Anywhere! 

Servant-Leaders care about those they lead. They value each person for their uniqueness and desire "making a deeper emotional connection with this valuable other human being." (Leal). Leal talks about going beyond the tools of communication (the how) and working on the why. Why are you conversing with the person? Are we sharing information or do we need to connect with the person. If we are connecting, we need to be compassionate, fully present, and emotionally alert to the cues the other person is sending. 

I needed to practice seeing each person as a special and unique individual, whether I knew them well or not. The communication skills of listening and speaking I had been focusing on were the tools, the how, but it was often very easy for me to lose touch with the overall why—making a deeper emotional connection with this valuable other human being. - Bento Leal III

Let me give you two personal examples of communicators I have witnessed.

1. The Multitasker: This individual communicated behind their desk, hand on their mouse. If a "bing" sounded, you could be assured a "click" was imminent.
2. The Servant-Leader: This individual moved away from any distractions and became fully present in the conversation. 

As you can see, one person cared about the person; the other cared more about incoming communication from someone else. Being fully present and emotionally alert sends a powerful message to the person with whom you are communicating. Servant-Leaders care about every person they encounter. Every person has value.

Wildland Fire Leadership Challenge - Digging a Little Deeper

• Assess your communication skills. Which communicator (the Multitasker or the Servant-Leader) describes you?
• Do you consider other unique? 
• Do you consider yourself unique? (We must care about ourselves before we can care about others.)
• Read 4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication – In Love, Life, Work—Anywhere! By Bento C. Leal III.

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Pam McDonald is a writer/editor for BLM Wildland Fire Training and Workforce Development and member of the NWCG Leadership Committee. The expressions are those of the author.