Time to Listen

(Image by Michael Schwarzenberger from Pixabay) 

In May 2013, Jason Headly released his "It's Not About the Nail" video. Since that time it has received over 19 million views. The message is clear. "Don't try to fix it. I just need you to listen."




Listening

Active listening is a vital component of effective communication. In this parody, the woman clearly has a nail in her head which accounts for much of her concern. Sometimes what the person wants to convey is crystal clear to the listener. So much so that the listener wants to make the sender aware. Unfortunately, the apparent cause is less important than active listening. Maybe the person just needs to be heard. They do not want the listener to fix the problem They only want to be heard!

Although this video is an exchange between a man and a woman, the same applies across the gender spectrum. Some people just need to be heard. Listening for understanding is difficult, yet easy. Our brains can really only process one thing at a time. We might think we can listen and formulate a response; but just like the processing power of a computer, things slow down. If the listener is processing their response instead of really listening, receipt of the full message is compromised. Therefore, listen, then formulate your response. Be present and attentive to the sender's message.

Providing Feedback

Feedback is equally important to the communication cycle. The gentleman in the video tried to give the woman feedback. She was so intent on getting her message across that she didn't stop to think that maybe there was a reason he wanted to speak. He had good information, but she was not in a space to hear it. The sender and receiver swapped communication roles and neither were effective.

Effectively communicating requires a balance of speaking and active listening by all participants. At the very core of effective communication is respect. If each of us truly respected one another, we would make a concerted effort to seek for understanding through active listening and providing qualifty feedback.

Wildland Fire Leadership Challenge - Digging a Little Deeper

In Forbes magazine, Dianne Schilling provides "10 Steps to Effective Listening."

1. Face the speaker and maintain eye contact,
2. Be attentive, but relaxed.
3. Keep an open mind.
4. Listen to the words and try to picture what the speaker is saying.
5. Don't interrupt and don't impose your "solutions."
6. Wait for the speaker to pause to ask clarifying questions.
7. Ask questions to ensure understanding.
8. Try to feel what the speaker is feeling.
9. Give the speaker regular feedback.
10. Pay attention to what isn't said—to nonverbal cues.

• Commit these 10 items to memory.
• Share them with your team.
• Practice. Practice. Practice.

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Pam McDonald is a writer/editor for BLM Wildland Fire Training and Workforce Development and member of the NWCG Leadership Subcommittee. The expressions are those of the author.