What Kind of Leader Do You Image being?

 Author: Christopher Ayer, Corona De Tucson Fire Department

How do we lead? What does leadership look like in your mind?

Everyone has an image of what a great leader looks like from the outside. We’ve all seen examples of outstanding leadership: Dick Winters leading at Brecourt Manor, Phil Jackson coaching the Bulls to a three-peat, Franklin D. Roosevelt guiding the nation through the Great Depression and World War II. But none of us wake up one day as that caliber of leader. Promotion doesn’t magically give us all the characteristics or skills those individuals displayed when they led with excellence.

Recently, there’s been a lot of discussion around impostor syndrome—a concept that hits most new leaders at some point. Those feelings of inadequacy, of not being good enough, are completely normal. The first few weeks or months in a new leadership role are often filled with doubt, overthinking, and second-guessing. You may ask yourself if you’re truly ready to lead, especially when tasked with guiding your peers.

This isn’t a new struggle. It’s been around for centuries. Consider this quote from Meditations by Marcus Aurelius:

"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment."

After my own promotion, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I stumbled. I second-guessed almost every decision and criticized myself daily. My choices felt either too late or never good enough. This led to hesitation, indecision, and often trying to change course midstream. Before I knew it, I was micromanaging everything—not because I didn’t trust my crew, but because I felt like it was the only way I could prove I was doing my job.

It wasn’t until my most senior firefighter and engineer started joking (and grumbling) about my constant oversight that I realized how off track I’d gotten. Fortunately, I had a great crew—experienced, driven, and many with twice my time in the fire service. Two of them even helped train me when I first got hired. They didn’t need me telling them every step—they thrived with autonomy. Their gentle but honest intervention forced me to take a step back and come up with a plan.

The turning point came when I asked myself: What do I want my leadership to look like? Visualizing my ideal approach helped me step back and truly observe situations. It gave me a better sense of what the crew needed, and how I could support rather than control.

That reflection led to a few core questions I return to often:

• What does leading look like to me?
• What do my interactions with crew members look and feel like?
• What kind of leader would I want to follow?

When you’re stuck in impostor syndrome, it can be hard to see the leader you want to become. It blinds us to the possibility of being the lead-by-example, servant-minded leader we admire in others.

The final piece for me was revisiting Leadership Strategies and Tactics by Jocko Willink. In the section on impostor syndrome, he reframed something that had been weighing me down: the slow decision-making, the self-doubt, the constant worry about how my choices would be perceived. He helped me see that those feelings didn’t mean I was failing—they meant I cared. I cared enough to want to get it right. That realization helped me shift from doubt to preparation. It reminded me that I didn’t need to rush. Taking a moment to think things through meant better long-term results. I began to see the “why” behind my hesitation, and that gave me the confidence to move forward with purpose.

So, I’ll ask again—what does leading look like to you?

Christopher Ayer is a Captain/ Paramedic/ Engine Boss Trainee/ Wildland Coordinator for Corona De Tucson Fire Department in Tucson Arizona. The expressions and views are those of the author.