Suicide - A Personal Reflection

 

(Photo: Chris Ayer, Monument Fire, 2022)

Suicide.  A topic that few want to talk about, but one that needs to be addressed. 

We need to change the stigma about mental health. It’s a topic that strikes incredibly close to me personally.  Mental health and suicide are problems that have impacted the fire service, but it isn’t the only industry affected. From my previous post, you will recall I played professional basketball for 10 years. In that time, I had the opportunity to play on a lot of teams and interact with a lot of players.

Being a teammate is a brotherhood/sisterhood. You live, travel, sweat and bleed with them, practice and play with them and create a strong bond. Same thing happens in the fire service.  I like to think of it like a brotherhood because you don’t always get along; but at the end of the day, they are family and you have each other’s back – basketball and fire.

I have had five teammates commit suicide. These were some of the best teammates I have ever played with. Hands down the most stand-up guys who worked incredibly hard, fought fiercely in games and practices and would give the shirt off their back to help a teammate. I was at a loss for words when I found out and wished desperately that I could have done anything to help them, anything.  Had I only known.

Here are two recommendations from me.

1. Diversify. Two teammates and several other players struggled after their careers ended abruptly or they retired. Basketball drove our lives; we ate, slept and lived to play for most of our lives and career.  Now what?  Where do we go? Doesn’t this sound familiar, I am a firefighter and the similarities are uncanny.  Personally, I struggled my first year after retiring from playing. I was second guessing my decision and questioning if I should go just one more season. I felt the same way after my first wildland season as a firefighter. Where do I go from here and what do I do next? Honestly, August and November are months that trigger emotions in me. Resilience to this and all the ups and downs of a career come with diversifying.  Find a hobby, interest, family time.  Build an identity away from work that further defines who you are.
2. Plan - Time is something we don’t think about as a commodity.  We tend to take it for granted.  Take time to make plans.  Short term goals/plans and long-term goals/plans.   Life happens; and when we have plans, we have hope.  We all need hope and a sense of purpose and the realization that there are people who care about us and our future plans.  They just might be counting on us. Hope is the one thing that we all need and must have. We must wire our brains to think future forward.

If you are struggling, ask for help. You are never alone. Every single person goes through ups and downs and struggles. It's part of being human.  Our jobs are demanding. Life is demanding. We need to lean on each other and help each other.  I challenge you to take courses or watch videos about suicide awareness so that you can learn the signs and maybe help someone else.

This blog is dedicated to all those who struggle and have struggled. You are not alone.

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Christopher Ayer is a Firefighter/Firefighter Type 1/Paramedic for Corona De Tucson Fire Department in Tucson, Arizona. The expressions and views are those of the author.